Delirium
1. Delirium,
digital print on paper, 6.5 x 10 cm, 2023
2. Delirium,
3D digital modeling by blender,
6.5 x 10 cm, 2023
Orchid Ribs
3. Orchid Ribs,
charcoal, gouache, plaster on paper, 70 x 100 cm, 2023
4. Orchid Ribs,
digital print on paper, 96 x 118 cm, 2023
5. Orchid Ribs experiment,
image generated by “Artbreeder”
and retouched by Photoshop , 25 x 25 cm, 2023
I’m happy for you
(as long as you’re less happy than me)
6. Sketch for I’m happy for you (as long as you’re less happy than me),
,pen on paper, 15 x 20 cm, 2023
7. I’m happy for you (as long as you’re less happy than me),
,digital print on paper, 90 x 112.5 cm, 2023
8. I’m happy for you (as long as you’re less happy than me),
,etching on magnani lithograph paper, 35 x 50 cm, 2023
9. I’m happy for you (as long as you’re less happy than me),
,etching on magnani lithograph paper, 17.5 x 25 cm, 2023
10. I’m happy for you experiment,
image generated by “Artbreeder”
and retouched by Photoshop , 25 x 25 cm, 2023
Valentine's Card For Paul
11. Valentine’s Card for Paul,
woodcut on Indian handmade paper, 40x45.5 cm, 2023
12. Valentine’s Card experiment,
image generated by “Artbreeder”
and retouched by Photoshop , 25 x 25 cm, 2023
Coven of Witches
13.Coven of Witches ,
charcoal, gouache, plaster on paper, 70 x 100 cm, 2023
14.Coven of Witches experiment,
image generated by “Artbreeder”
and retouched by Photoshop , 25 x 25 cm, 2023
15. Bleeding Hermaphrodite,
3D digital modeling by blender/
image generated by “Artbreeder”
and retouched by Photoshop , 25 x 25 cm, 2023
Clean Slate
PART 1
click the logo above to watch the full video
16.Clean Slate, 3:17, video ,full color with sound, 4k, 2023
1.
I have been writing my diaries in English,
so it was impossible to be completely honest with myself.
Many people have been curious about this notebook,
and from time to time they would ask me if they can take a look at it.
They sometimes find my notes in English and take time to read what it is
but they would fail to read this writing.
Because I’m writing this diary in Korean.
2.
It took a while for me to admit that
I was deluding myself about our relationship.
I thought we had a lot in common.
I believed that we are both the same breed,
a unique breed that does not hesitate to abandon everything.
I have mistaken you, for a person that wouldn’t regret leaving
everything behind and watching them disappear.
I guess we were similar,
in the way that we are always ready to say farewell to
“something”,
but our perception of that “something” was quite different.
Now I am realizing that the difference of that “something”
has gradually made a deep chasm between us.
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To be honest, there is nothing so dear to me,
there is nothing so important that I would regret losing.
There is no possession that I cherish and
I even believe that part of my body can be replaced.
Most things can be replaced.
I’m not only talking about tangible objects.
The subject that is replaceable also contains
immaterial concepts, emotions, and many more.
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You do have things that you cherish.
If you lose it, or if it’s no longer manufactured, or if it’s broken,
you would be quite sad.
There was a time when I could empathize with you,
I think I was able to do that until I became 24.
Something happened and it suddenly dawned on me
that there is nothing irreplaceable.
Even my body and soul.
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I used to be paranoid that one day my teeth will all fall out
because I have already lost two teeth from my medical condition.
This fear helped me quit smoking for a while.
But now I know that with a month's worth of my salary,
I can buy a new tooth.
I see my partner spending 2 hours,
every day doing his facial routine.
I don’t mind watching it and it does not scare me.
It doesn’t remind me that I’m slowly dying
and that my skin wouldn’t be the same in a few years. (I’m lying!!)
Because you can always buy new skin.
(Even though it will cost you a few years of rent)
Will you ever get to understand me?
Like when I tried to sympathize with your loss?
I doubt it.
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I tried to remember the cause that changed me,
Long story short, when I was 24, I realized none of my ego is truly mine.
My opinions
My art
And all the things that I believed in
did not solely derive from me
IF YOU JUST TAKE ONE STEP AWAY FROM YOUR
HOMELAND, YOU ARE INCLUDED IN THIS
PAN-ASIAN CIRCLE.
IS BEING KOREAN PART OF YOUR IDENTITY?
THE MUSIC YOU’VE LISTENED TO,
THE MOVIES THAT YOU’VE WATCHED,
THE EDUCATION YOU’VE GOT,
THE TRUMA YOU’VE BEEN THROUGH
DOES THAT MAKE IT YOU?
IS YOUR ART REALLY YOUR’S?
I know this is the cold truth, but back then it felt like my world was collapsing.
What if I’m a bad reproduction?
a bad mimicry of an original, irreplaceable, noble being?
YOUR SO CALLED “AESTHETIC OF YOURS”
IS A COMBINATION OF 5 ARTISTS OR ART MOVEMENTS
THAT ALREADY HAVE BEEN PRESENTED AND APPRECIATED!
YOU ARE JUST A REPRODUCTION,
NO A CHAOTIC, REDUCTIVE ABOMINATION OF
EVERYTHING GREAT THAT EXISTED BEFORE YOU!
If people figure that out would I be replaced too?
(would you replace me too?)
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My anxiety of being replaced grew and grew,
so I had to come up with a solution.
I became a perfectionist
and a control freak.
Whatever blemishes that I had, I had to hide it.
If something is faulty, I didn’t even attempt to try to fix it but I would just dump it.
If I screw something up, I just quit it and ran away from it.
I just ran away (from love, from work, from art and many more)
If it can’t be perfect, I would just discard it and runaway from my responsibilities.
![]()
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![]()
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Clean slate, that was what I wanted.
To have a new slate, you must not hesitate to abandon things.
I wanted my ego to be so perfect, intact, and spotless
that I wasn’t yielding myself to make mistakes.
Looking back, I have realized how pathetic I was.
I am a cowardly runner, running from my mistakes.
I guess I wanted to be like you,
maybe even turn into you.
But I have acknowledged my shortcomings.
I finally have regrets, I should’ve thought dearly of you.
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
Now I have a clean slate.
I lost so many parts of my life, being a coward.
Now I want to embrace how fragile and imperfect I am.
I am a people pleaser that acts so sly and timid to appease everyone.
I give up my beliefs if I can appease someone.
I’m arrogant and full of envy.
I used to judge you for always changing your mind,
but at least I think you were being true to yourself in every moment.
I wish I can cherish who I am,
including my shortcomings.
I hope I can feel sad when I lost that part of me.
After confessing everything in my diary, I have this weird feeling that I can.
If someone gets to read this page,
here is my secretive statement.
in the way that we are always ready to say farewell to
“something”,
but our perception of that “something” was quite different.
Now I am realizing that the difference of that “something”
has gradually made a deep chasm between us.
3.
To be honest, there is nothing so dear to me,
there is nothing so important that I would regret losing.
There is no possession that I cherish and
I even believe that part of my body can be replaced.
Most things can be replaced.
I’m not only talking about tangible objects.
The subject that is replaceable also contains
immaterial concepts, emotions, and many more.
4.
You do have things that you cherish.
If you lose it, or if it’s no longer manufactured, or if it’s broken,
you would be quite sad.
There was a time when I could empathize with you,
I think I was able to do that until I became 24.
Something happened and it suddenly dawned on me
that there is nothing irreplaceable.
Even my body and soul.
Clean Slate
PART 2
5.
I used to be paranoid that one day my teeth will all fall out
because I have already lost two teeth from my medical condition.
This fear helped me quit smoking for a while.
But now I know that with a month's worth of my salary,
I can buy a new tooth.
I see my partner spending 2 hours,
every day doing his facial routine.
I don’t mind watching it and it does not scare me.
It doesn’t remind me that I’m slowly dying
and that my skin wouldn’t be the same in a few years. (I’m lying!!)
Because you can always buy new skin.
(Even though it will cost you a few years of rent)
Will you ever get to understand me?
Like when I tried to sympathize with your loss?
I doubt it.
6.
I tried to remember the cause that changed me,
Long story short, when I was 24, I realized none of my ego is truly mine.
My opinions
My art
And all the things that I believed in
did not solely derive from me
IF YOU JUST TAKE ONE STEP AWAY FROM YOUR
HOMELAND, YOU ARE INCLUDED IN THIS
PAN-ASIAN CIRCLE.
IS BEING KOREAN PART OF YOUR IDENTITY?
THE MUSIC YOU’VE LISTENED TO,
THE MOVIES THAT YOU’VE WATCHED,
THE EDUCATION YOU’VE GOT,
THE TRUMA YOU’VE BEEN THROUGH
DOES THAT MAKE IT YOU?
IS YOUR ART REALLY YOUR’S?
I know this is the cold truth, but back then it felt like my world was collapsing.
What if I’m a bad reproduction?
a bad mimicry of an original, irreplaceable, noble being?
YOUR SO CALLED “AESTHETIC OF YOURS”
IS A COMBINATION OF 5 ARTISTS OR ART MOVEMENTS
THAT ALREADY HAVE BEEN PRESENTED AND APPRECIATED!
YOU ARE JUST A REPRODUCTION,
NO A CHAOTIC, REDUCTIVE ABOMINATION OF
EVERYTHING GREAT THAT EXISTED BEFORE YOU!
If people figure that out would I be replaced too?
(would you replace me too?)
7.
My anxiety of being replaced grew and grew,
so I had to come up with a solution.
I became a perfectionist
and a control freak.
Whatever blemishes that I had, I had to hide it.
If something is faulty, I didn’t even attempt to try to fix it but I would just dump it.
If I screw something up, I just quit it and ran away from it.
I just ran away (from love, from work, from art and many more)
If it can’t be perfect, I would just discard it and runaway from my responsibilities.
8.
Clean slate, that was what I wanted.
To have a new slate, you must not hesitate to abandon things.
I wanted my ego to be so perfect, intact, and spotless
that I wasn’t yielding myself to make mistakes.
Looking back, I have realized how pathetic I was.
I am a cowardly runner, running from my mistakes.
I guess I wanted to be like you,
maybe even turn into you.
But I have acknowledged my shortcomings.
I finally have regrets, I should’ve thought dearly of you.
9.
Now I have a clean slate.
I lost so many parts of my life, being a coward.
Now I want to embrace how fragile and imperfect I am.
I am a people pleaser that acts so sly and timid to appease everyone.
I give up my beliefs if I can appease someone.
I’m arrogant and full of envy.
I used to judge you for always changing your mind,
but at least I think you were being true to yourself in every moment.
I wish I can cherish who I am,
including my shortcomings.
I hope I can feel sad when I lost that part of me.
After confessing everything in my diary, I have this weird feeling that I can.
If someone gets to read this page,
here is my secretive statement.